CONNECT:
Women's Shelter and Alex & Brandon Child Safety Center
The Mid-Minnesota Women's Center wouldn't be here without Louise Seliski.
Louise grew up in poverty in Minneapolis and knew, even while in seventh grade, that she wanted to become a social worker. She had a passion for helping others. After graduating with a degree in Social Work, the founder and first Executive Director of The Women’s Center and the Alex and Brandon Child Safety Center spent about a year working in Morrison County before accepting a social worker position in Crow Wing County, a job she held for more than four years, before returning to graduate school. She then spent the next two years at the University of Minnesota-Duluth, earning her Master’s degree in Social Work. She chose her own field placement for her degree, a six-month project that would seem daunting for anyone: start a battered women’s shelter.
A friend, Marlene Travis, had started Sexual Assault Services, a non-profit organization in Crow Wing County, and recruited Seliski to write a grant to develop a battered women’s center. Battered women were calling Sexual Assault Services, not because they had been sexually assaulted, but there was nowhere else they could turn. The need for a battered women’s shelter in Brainerd was tremendous.
In 1978, Louise Seliski wrote a grant through the Minnesota Department of Corrections to develop four battered women’s shelters in the state. Only two existed in the Twin Cities area at that point. The Legislature provided funding (the fourth one was built elsewhere) & the Mid-Minnesota Women’s Center became the fifth battered women’s shelter in the state to open and Seliski was selected as executive director, although at that time she wasn't getting paid.
That first shelter, which opened to its first family in August of 1978, was a large old home at 13th and Oak streets in southeast Brainerd. While the shelter was supposed to house six women and children, Seliski said often they had as many as 25 people staying there. Louise would say, “I’d rather have a woman sleep on the floor than get herself killed.” In 1995, a new shelter was built in southeast Brainerd, which houses about 20 women and children at a time. It serves easily over 130 women and about 100 children a year, as well as offering other programming to help these families get back on their feet. The shelter operates 24 hours, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
Sadly, Seliski has seen too many women and children who were later killed by domestic violence after leaving the safety of the shelter. She said eight women and two children — Alex and Brandon, for whom the child safety center is named — have been murdered during the shelter’s existence.
On March 30, 1988, Lillian McDermott, 45, was shot by her abusive husband in her own home, becoming the first murder victim who had sought help from the shelter. She had obtained an order for protection and stayed at the shelter until a judge ordered them back to their rural Crow Wing County home. Seliski said McDermott got a dog and rearranged the furniture, making it harder for her husband to shoot her through a window. No one knew he had purchased a gun until he broke into the home, hid in a closet and shot her when she returned from work. Her body was left in the home to be discovered by her two youngest school-aged sons.
“It was devastating,” Louise said of McDermott’s death. “I always knew this could happen in this line of work but when it happened I was not prepared in any way. Lillian did everything she could have done.”
Seliski said if she had known McDermott’s husband had bought a gun, she would have told McDermott and her youngest of five children to immediately move back into the shelter. Seliski was on the Department of Public Safety’s Minnesota Crime Victims Council at the time, and tried to get lawmakers to pass a bill that would require victims who have orders for protection against someone to be notified if that person buys a gun. She said unfortunately such a bill would have been difficult to enforce.
When a battered woman returned to her home from the shelter to find out if her husband had carried out his threat by slowly beating her cat to death with a baseball bat, Louise said the shelter then began accepting the family’s pets as well. Louise said the Humane Society told her that her shelter was one of the first in the country to also house animals. Quite often pets are also abused in the home and it's not unusual for a battered woman to choose to stay in that situation because she did not want to leave a family pet behind.
When 5-year-old Alex and 4-year-old Brandon Frank, who lived with their mother in Brainerd, were murdered by their father in July of 1996, their deaths devastated Louise and those who knew them from the shelter. Louise and other supporters raised about $450,000 to build the Alex and Brandon Child Safety Center, a place for court-ordered, supervised visitations and safe exchanges of children between custodial and non-custodial parents. Seliski said the boys’ mother, Angie Plantenberg, had asked for supervised visits for the boys but a Stearns County judge turned it down.
Louise believes Alex and Brandon would be alive today if they would have had supervised visits.
The child safety center opened in Brainerd in 2000 and typically facilitates about 1,200 supervised child visits per year. Louise said retiring in 2011 was a hard decision to make but it was time. There were many difficult times during her 33 years of working with battered women and children, but she said there were many rewards, too. “The reason I can do it is because of the women and children I’ve worked with who are leading better lives,” said Seliski. “I always believe in the goodness in people. The greatest thing I would like to see is the shelter shut down because we don’t need it anymore.”
Those whose lives were changed because of the shelter include Kathy Northburg, a woman’s advocate at the shelter. She and her children stayed at the shelter in 1985. She started working at the shelter as relief staff in 1988 and was hired on full time in 1989. Northburg left for a few years to go to college — something Seliski encouraged her to do — and returned to work at the shelter in 2007. “Louise is the type of boss who challenges one to reach beyond what you think you’re capable of,” said Northburg. “She’s an awesome mentor. This place saved my life. If I had stayed with my ex-husband a day longer, he would have killed me and my children.”
(excerpts of this page were from: http://brainerddispatch.com/news/2011-04-15/battered-women%E2%80%99s-greatest-advocate-retire-after-33-years)
Questions and Answers
Are you or someone you know experiencing domestic violence? We've compiled a list of questions we are commonly asked about battering and how to get help. In the answers, you will learn where to go in times of crisis, how to find support, and discover options you may never have dreamed of. Best of all, you'll realize you're not alone. We're here to assist you in any way we can.
Do I have to pay to stay at the shelter?
No. We never charge for any of our services.
Can I bring my children?
Yes. We have a playroom for younger children and Foster Grandmothers to give them special attention. Older children attend school.
Do you provide transportation? Will you pick me up at my house?
We can not go to individual's homes. Individuals can come to the shelter by taxi or Dial-A-Ride (city bus) or can be brought by friends, other agencies, pastors, Sheriff/Police Department, etc. If you cannot find a way to get to the shelter on your own, call us and we'll help to arrange transportation.
Who does the cooking/cleaning/child care?
The women staying here sign up for daily chores such as cooking and cleaning. Our Foster Grandmothers can provide some childcare, but women also often babysit for each other.
Has anyone ever tried to break in?
There has never been a successful break-in. Batterers do, occasionally, come to the shelter. Advocates warn the abusers that they are trespassing; if they do not leave, staff will call the police department.
What kind of security measures does the shelter have?
We have a high tech security system with an alarm and double door entry system as well as a good working relationship with our local police department, whose officers respond within minutes to our calls for assistance.
What is the average length of stay?
The average length of stay is about 2 weeks. This takes into consideration women who stay overnight and those who stay for a month or more.
Do I have to live in Crow Wing County to seek help here?
No. Although we are located in Crow Wing County, we do not have residency requirements, so we will serve women from anywhere who are fleeing violence.
I think I know someone who is being abused. How can I help?
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Listen to what they tell you.
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Believe them.
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Help them to see and build on her strengths.
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Validate their feelings.
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Avoid victim-blaming.
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Take their fears seriously.
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Offer help, but don't promise what you can't give.
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Be an active, creative partner in a woman's safety planning effort.
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Support their decisions.
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Suggest they call a battered women's shelter or program for additional information and support.
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Tell them that they deserves a life free from violence.
What can I do if I'm experiencing domestic violence?
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Prepare what to say if a partner becomes violent.
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Choose a safe place to go if an argument occurs. Avoid rooms with no exits or rooms with weapons.
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Prepare and memorize a list of safe phone numbers. Have a code word so family and friends know when assistance is needed.
How do I know for sure if I'm a victim of domestic violence?
Ask yourself the following questions:
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Are you embarrassed or ridiculed by your partner in public?
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Does your partner use intimidation or threats to get you to go along with something?
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Is your partner physical with you, pushing, shoving or hitting?
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Does your partner attempt to control or restrict your activities?
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Does your partner blame you for the way he/she feels or acts?
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Does your partner stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?
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Does your partner take your money or Social Security, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?
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Does your partner make all the decisions?
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Does your partner tell you you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
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Does your partner act like the abuse is no big deal, suggest it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
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Does your partner destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
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Does your partner intimidate you with guns, knives, or other weapons?
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Has your partner threatened to commit suicide?
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Has your partner threatened to kill you?
If you've answered yes to even one of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship. This is particularly likely if your partner behaves in these ways on an ongoing basis.
I want my children to see their other parent, but do not want to have contact with them. Where can I find a place for my kids to see their other parent where all of us will be safe?
The Alex & Brandon Child Safety Center is designed for children and their separated or divorced parents who have been involved in an abusive relationship and/or conflict over visitation. Parents who are allowed contact with their children in foster care can arrange to visit them at the Center, too. The Center provides a positive and nurturing place where children and their parents can be assured of a safe visit. Parents do not have to have contact with each other at the Safety Center.
The Mid-Minnesota Women's Center, Inc. is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization, since 1978.
Proiding safety and security from domestic violence and ending domestic violence is our mission. Located in Brainerd, Minnesota, the Mid-Minnesota Women's Center, Inc., has two programs to prevent domestic violence and provide support and shelter to those families affected by domestic violence: a Women's Shelter and the Alex & Brandon Child Safety Center.
For more information, call 218-828-1216 24 hrs/day